Just a Little Extra

I have more I want to say, but it's busy here.

Contrary to what Cara believes, what I wrote is NOT about her. We had already exchanged a couple emails (my computer had farted and I missed her original post on having a c-section and not wanting to hear bad things, and I was clueless of that when I asked why she was having a c-section and then proceeded to send her the Spinning Babies link and wrote about what I'd do in that situation). I thought I had made it clear in my email that it was about what I would do. I'm sure she's done research; I really don't think I said or implied (in my post or emails) that she hadn't (but many doctors have no experience with doing things like holding a flashlight to the belly to convince a baby to turn). It doesn't matter to me.

My last post here was germinated after reading the funny bit about how having a pregnant belly means you're fair game for advice (but truly, it's not limited to that.....mention to someone that you have high cholesterol, and suddenly you hear about their husband's sister's aunt's husband who was about to have a quintuple by-pass when they started taking castrated yak semen pills and suddenly they are cured), and then by her declaration of not wanting to hear horror stories.

I wondered why I had never heard horror stories. And I realized it's because I don't view someone else's historical retelling of such an important event as 'horror' or 'helpful'. Cara needs to stop internalizing what others are saying about themselves. I could really care less how Cara gives birth; it's not my concern.

But....then I started thinking some more. Having had a traumatic birth, I began to feel judged by her ignorant labelling of my birth story as horror. I don't go around telling it to pregnant strangers, or even pregnant non-strangers. I do share it sometimes with the message of education, empowerment, and entertainment. There's a lot that others could learn from my birth story. But to have it labelled as a horror story by a stranger is a little much.

It's no secret that I'm a believer in "The Secret". What you focus on, expands. However, if you ignore educating yourself (NOT DIRECTED AT CARA, just a general 'yourself'), you will actually feed the fear. You know there are things to be fearful of; by not knowing what those are, and what you can do, you are NOT going eliminate fear or those events. To eliminate fear, you must attend to it, allow it to exist and be acknowledged. Then you can not worry about being consumed by it.

There was a show in Canada, similar to TLC's "Birth Story". One woman was hyper-fearful of having to have an episiotomy. She spoke with her doula, but she couldn't hear and absorb what the doula was telling her....she was stuck in being afraid of her fear. Once she was in labour, she got dilated to "9 3/4cm" but just 'couldn't' make it to 10cm. She 'had' to have a c-section. Coming out of recovery, she was filmed saying "At least I didn't have to have an episiotomy!". OMG. That was very avoidable--both the c-section and possibly the episiotomy.

THAT was my point of the past post. It was a post about VIEWPOINTS and how looking at something through the horror lens may create horror; choosing the filter you use is important.

For all of those women, who like me, have a "Horror story about birth" and want to share it...just email me and I'll post them here! With your own commentary, or mine; up to you. It's NOT about trying to scare someone; it's about retelling your personal story in the hopes it brings healing to yourself and information to others. My filter is education, not 'scare the pregnant chick'.