Fun in the Mud until Daddy comes Home!
A common question is "It happened long ago; why bring it up now?" In short---Time heals nothing. It was a long time ago, but I'm not 'bringing it up' now; it never left me. Yes, the anger finally left--a long time ago actually--but I hadn't had the chance to tell him that I wasn't angry at him anymore and that I realized he is not what he did---He was a good person who did something wrong. I thought he might like to hear that. And, I was hoping to receive forgiveness for what I had done too. Why shouldn't I ask for that?
I also heard a lot "Why forgive someone who did something so bad to you?" If he had been a stranger, I would have pressed charges. But even strangers who do something wrong can still be 'good' people. Of course, there are exceptions.....but wouldn't the world be a better place if we can believe in the inherent good in people, instead of assuming the worse? Pressing charges against my friend would not have helped him or myself in any way. Forgiveness has helped more than most people can seem to understand, apparently.
Fun with Paints and Rocks
I was asked "What are you expecting to 'get out of this?' " I'm not expecting anything. I don't live expecting 'things' from others to make myself happy. What I wanted was to release the last fragments of hurt, sorrow, disappointment; to free my memories. What I was hoping would happen is that I would likewise be forgiven. By writing this process out, I'm hoping that others can realize that forgiveness IS obtainable. That if I--the self-proclaimed queen of righteousness--can swallow my pride and admit my wrongs, that others can; and more importantly, that forgiveness CAN be accepted. And not 'lip service' forgiveness either. Real forgiveness that comes from being able to say "I release myself from the grips of your wrong-doing". It doesn't even have anything to do with the person that wronged you (although that can help).
Wallowing in negative energy puts up a force-field shield around you that lets in only other negative energies (the "Law of Attraction"). Soon, your negativity extends way beyond the initial wrong-doing. There's no room for other emotions. The bitter emotions within you will tarnish anything coming in/going out. If your heart has turn cold from bitterness, that is still the heart from which all your emotions initiate. It's the same heart used to show emotions to your children, your parents, strangers. The only person you have control over is yourself. If you choose to carry on resentments, then you choose to carry on misery. If you allow people who have transgressed against you to keep you locked in, then they win.
East Papineau Lake Beach, Ontario
By forgiving someone, you release yourself. You forgive not for the other person. You forgive for yourself.
I appreciate all questions and comments about forgiveness and the process, but please remember--my forgiving someone is about ME. It's nothing more than that, and please understand that while I don't want to share everything about our experience, I am trying to be as transparent as possible, no hidden agendas. I appreciate the same in reverse.
(The pictures are just there to break up the text and make it look pretty without having to write another post just to share some photos, LOL.)
(Sincere thanks to Dr. Phil McGraw and the book "Relationship Rescue".)
(Oh, and hi to Jennifer Hillman! LOL. She 'suffered' from my 'Queen of Righteousness' title back when she stole my boy-toy on the way to Quebec City back in 1987, LOL.)