I've had a few occasions recently that support the notion that what you focus on, expands. And, what you fear, you create.
One of my FB friends is a girl I was pretty good friends with for grades 7 & 8 while we were at senior public school. I hadn't seen or heard from her in over 20 years, but it's been nice to reconnect on FB. She doesn't have children, but is married to a man with a teen aged son who lives (mostly) with them. She often makes disparaging remarks about the crazy ex-wife (which do sound valid), but sadly, also about the boy. He's lazy, breaks the rules, has no respect (which all may be true), but it's the underlying tone and attitude towards him that saddens me. One rule was no smoking in his bedroom. She caught him, and dumped his ashtrays all over his bed. I do like that consequence, LOL, but it's the underlying attitude that's sad. I don't know how I would be feeling, but I do know that I would go into a relationship with a man who's a father, being a little more open minded. This is the off-spring, the genetic extension of the man you love. If he loves his son, then so should you. That doesn't mean love his behaviour. Oh no, LOL. But if all you see is a lazy, disrespectful off-spring of a crazy woman, then that's what you're going to get.
Yesterday, I went to my doctor's for a physical. It's been a long time! I like this doctor, she seems very knowledgeable about vitamins, she was respectful when I said I was delaying/selective vaxxing the kids, and she remember me, the girls, and things that happen. And I've been seeing her only since September! She remembered how we were having to be a one car family, and was asking how it's been, trying to do everything, and wow, did I have my hands full with three kids, etc. I commented that I just do what I have to do, and I look at other mothers who do way more than I do, and think I don't have it too bad, I could be doing more! She remarked that I have a good spirit. Isn't that a nice thing for a doctor to say? I can't do much about the truck situation....I just collect all the change I can find around the house, take the bus to the GO Train station, steal my truck and off I go. Then, I do have to interrupt dinner to go to the station with the girls to pick up Rob, but really, that's not bad. I do wish he'd ride his bike to the station (or gee...take the bus, which would mean he'd have to take a later train, but at least he doesn't have to worry about the terrible parking). Sure, today Meg and I walked to the pool for her swimming lesson, but at least we had that option, and although sunny, there was a fabulous breeze. Yes, I can't go thrift store shopping, but really, I don't NEED to. Things could be worse.
Today, while watching Meg's swimming lesson, three Parks and Rec employees came in for their break. There was an older woman, and two university age students. The boy (LOL...not exactly...but not "man" either) was talking about how he doesn't swim. Apparently, he used to get terrible ear infections, and I think I heard him say that he nearly drowned twice. The girl and the woman were trying to convince him that he could overcome this and learn to be water safe. The girl said "You won't get ear infections now, and you won't drown". (Well, it's easy to say that I suppose, but what if...). Personally, I do agree...if you want to learn to swim, you can't focus on what scared/scarred you. You can either totally ignore it (I'm sure that's hard), or acknowledge it, and then move on. If you go into the pool thinking "I might drown", well, at the least, you're not going to enjoy your time, and at worse, you will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go into the pool thinking "I've had trouble in the past but I'm over that" then you've got no where to go but up!
Then, it started me thinking about my own fears. Mmmm. I'm not keen on spiders, or bugs. I don't want to bungee jump, but not because of past experience. I can look at it, and skydiving, and say, "Yes, I'd be terribly afraid, but it'd also be incredibly cool". Umm, yes, my fear (and the cost) is keeping me from doing it, but I also know that I'm gravitationally challenged and my vestibular processing is weak. I don't do rollercoasters. I do rather enjoy small ones, but the incredible physical stress I feel when I do anything crazy, like the Tower of Terror at Disney's MGM Studio....OMG...I truly felt physically sick...not "I'm going to throw up" but like my entire physical systems were haywire. Flight or fight to the max, like I'd never be able to get my visual inputs to match my internal responses again. Rob couldn't understand it. He could understand getting nauseous, or throwing up, but not like my entire world was gone wacky and would never re-align.
Any other fears? Is there anything negative I focus on? Mmm. Is it possible to be too open to the universe and 'what happens, happens'? I'm not passive, but is it possible to be TOO accepting?