I'd like to thank everyone who responded to my last post; both here in the comments, through Facebook, and email. It's nice to know others have similiar feelings/experiences. It seems, sometimes, that the 'slightly overweight' are often neglected. TV shows spotlight people who loose 50lb+, weightloss programs/books talk about major changes as if everyone needed to loose a lot of weight. Although those major changes can be tough to do.....a very overweight person usually has a few bad habits that are bad enough that when eliminated, weight loss is inevitable. If you always drink 2L of pop/soda a day, just dropping that one thing will make a big difference. It doesn't work that way with us.
This recent trip has only added to my turmoil. On one hand, I'm just 'a little' overweight. I'm really not bad compared to many, many, many people we saw. And many of them seemed perfectly fine to look like a beached whale in a bikini. I totally applaud that self-confidence!!!!!! I just can't do it. I feel like people think it's worse to be a little overweight. You lack the little bit of initiative; you're just not strong willed enough; you are too lazy to do something about just a little extra weight. But when they look at someone obese, they seem to think the person has given up, or it's hopeless for them, so they don't think about it in relation to their personality (although I see an obese person and think if only they changed one simple thing---jumbo muffin for breakfast--at a time...). It's as if, because I've "let myself go" just a little, I'm really the bigger problem! Does that make sense? When you're so far from perfect, people don't care. When you're almost there but don't make it, people look down on you.
To address a few comments...I asked once about my medications, and the doctor didn't feel they were an issue. I had my old internist test my thyroid, but he actually wouldn't tell me the numbers, just that they were 'fine'. I commented about there being new guidelines/tests, and he poo-pooed me again. I think I had the basic tests done recently again, but obviously nothing came up. I due for a real physical though. Thyroid is a constant thought with me though. I have dry skin, dry hair that falls out easily (but it's not thinning), cold feet and hands. Lately, the cold feet and hands has gotten worse. It would be nice to blame this on something medical! But there truely are a few things I could/should be doing. Like more walking. It's obvious that I need at least 5 miles/day of quick walking to get my weight going down. I just don't have that kind of time! I could do more weight training, but got disheartened with lackluster results. I tried the food diaries and really paying attention to what I ate and eating less, but even with doing all that (less calories in/more calories out) I still didn't lose ANY weight after a month!! I just don't get it. The math showed I should have lost 3/4-1lb a week. My clothes did not feel looser, I did not feel stronger/healthier (although I did sleep better).
So, I don't know what to do next. Rob said a couple years ago I could join a gym, but I have to go during the day, and it couldn't cost more than $300 a YEAR. Well, nothing exists here for that amount! Not to mention that childcare costs are additional! Can't afford programs like WW or JC. There are prescription medications, but I know for one, the side effects are similiar to what i went through with Giardia---it prohibits the absorption of fat, so you're supposed to cut down on fat to avoid that happening and that's how you lose the weight. My fat consumption is within guidelines.
If you have any tips on what to do next, I'd love to hear!!