Americanized Birth

Oh, America.  You've given us lots of awesome stuff, and some not so awesome.  Two of the saddest things have to be the infatuation with food, and the medicalization of birth.

I was watching "Outrageous Births:  Tales from the Crib" on TLC.  While a few of the stories are truly outrageous, so many are actually more like how birth should be happening.  The problem though, is that people have become so far removed from "normal" birth, that what is normal is now considered "outrageous".

A woman was getting induced, two days past her due date because she was "overdue" and worried about the size since her last baby had been born a week early and was 7lb 14oz, and she didn't want to have a big baby!  Due dates are estimates.  The doctor uses a standardized due date "wheel" that is based on a 28 day cycle, with ovulation happening on day 14.  Not that many women actually have this cycle!  So the due date is actually considered an estimate.  Doctors generally consider a 2 week period on either side of the due date to be "normal".

The average newborn weight is 7lb12oz-7lb14oz.  At the end of pregnancy, a baby typically puts on 1/2lb per week.  So, even if her first baby was early by a week, he would have been 8lb6oz by the due date.  Not a "large" baby by any means.

The next few things really made me shake my head though.  She gets checked, and it is determined she is 5cm.  That means she's in active labour.  Yet, the nurse says "Let's start the induction with pitocin to get this labour going."  If the nurse doesn't understand the point of an induction, what hope does the patient have?

Okay, there was the small issue of a tornado heading towards the hospital. But the mom got an epidural and was unable to assist in her move to safety...they knew about the tornado when they gave the epidural.  I don't know why they thought they needed to speed up the birth to "beat the tornado" since they don't have any control over either.

Anyway.  Ladies.  If your nurse says you're 5cm and they're going to induce you, ask for a new nurse.

Early Experience with Trolls

This post is originally from Nov 8/2006, and posted on my knitting blog.  It's still sort of funny, so I thought I'd repost it here!

 I posted to a Yahoo group I'm in about Lucy turning 4 (remember, this was 2006), and linked to here. That group is "Slightly Crunchy Attachment Parenting". Slightly Crunchy being of the 'granola head' mindset--organics, cloth diapers, minimal impact, etc--it's 'slightly' crunchy because not every one who attachment parents is a granola head extremist, hugging endangered trees on the weekend. Attachment parenting is a parenting philosophy that respects the needs of babies/children, by respecting/responding to their communication, breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping...etc (someday I'll post more about it).

Just before I put my link on, a woman joined the group and started giving her opinions on fertility, conception, pregnancy, birth, and beyond. Very strong opinions, telling one member to not go to any of her doctor's appointments, not to listen to her husband...(I can't find what post she was replying to as she didn't include any of it). Women need to do it like it was done before modern medicine took over. One woman posted that modern medicine prevented her from dieing in childbirth and saved the life of her newborn, who was in the NICU, and she was recovering from a C-section the day before. That woman has been a member throughout this troubled pregnancy, and we are well aware of her situation. The new member had the nerve to tell her that that was crap and she wouldn't die, doctors lie.

So, I get a little 'in her face' about her lack of respect and disbelief that she thinks she knows more than that woman's doctors. She reads my entry about Lucy's birthstory, and writes back that she disagrees with my birth!! OMG!!
I was going to copy the ensuing discussion to here. She's so adamant about 'taking back birth' to the way it used to be, it's almost hilarious. But I'm going to wait till later...see what happens today (back in 2006...the messages were actually deleted from the group).

You want to know the real kicker about her? She's never had a baby. Is not even pregnant. Not even trying to get pregnant, not even planning on trying. Cracks me up.

We realized later that this woman was most likely a "troll"....looking for hot-button topics on the internet just to create a stir.  Never do people change their minds about a topic when confronted in the ways that trolls do it.  Never.  But yet, they're still out there!

Happy Birthday Lucy!

From this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

to this:

 in eleven short years!
 

My baby is eleven today. I know she's not 'the baby' but she's still my baby!

What follows is the story of Lucy's birth, as I think that how we are born in some ways is a predictor of who we become. If you're looking for knitting content today...I did knit a bit on a pink baby sweater while I was in the hospital :)

I got pregnant on Valentine's Day, 2002. My family doctor was on leave (he had a rare form of lung cancer and later died, at the much too young age of 34) and his replacement--although young, and nice--did not deliver babies. She referred me to the other doctor in the clinic that did babies, but he felt I would be better treated by an obstetrician. I have high blood pressure, controlled by medication. My original family doctor had no issue with it, and it actually was not an issue, but there's a doctor shortage here so they can certainly pick and choose. There were two OB/GYNs in town at the time. One was a brash, out-spoken Indian woman who had treated me in the hospital during my miscarriage. Although she got my treatment moving, I wasn't keen on how she talked to the nurses in front of me, especially since it was regarding me ("Put the sides up! She's lost a lot of blood, doesn't have an IV yet? She's going to pass out, roll off the bed and sue the hospital!"). So I thought I'd check out the other doctor (the woman doctor also later died, having been murdered in India when she went back to care for her ailing father).

Dr. C. is a very quiet, reserved, short, guy, also Indian. We live in a town of 26 000, and it is very white. Both OB/GYNs were Indian. Later, we get another woman OB/GYN who is also Indian, but also another man who is African. Sort of odd, in some ways, but hey, when you are so short of family doctors that 13 are needed just for those who don't have a family doctor, any doctor who comes to town is a sort of celebrity.










During my appointments, Dr. C. rarely said anything. How are you doing, and take it easy were the two most common lines. He wasn't ...unfriendly ....he just had nothing to say, LOL. Around week 20 I pulled some groin/ab muscles when Huey took off down the street. I was in such pain during the night, I was sure I had ruptured the placenta, and if I turned on the light there'd be a pool of blood. There wasn't, and I went to my regular appointment the next day, still in pain. Dr. C's response to the story--"Don't do that again." LOL. It was an uneventful pregnancy, some arthritis pain (didn't know that's what it was at the time). I had one trip to the hospital when I hadn't felt movement for awhile. The ER people couldn't decide if their Doppler thingy was working or not, so they sent me to the OB ward. The nurse there decided after having me on the monitors for a while (which showed a lot of movement that I never felt) that the placenta was in the front (near where I had the muscle pull) and she had moved behind it, so I didn't feel the kicking.

I never discussed my birth wishes with Dr C, but my 'plan' was in my file at the hospital. At my last appointment, he wanted to book me for an induction. I said not until after my due date. We discussed it a bit (the hypertension and all that), and I agreed that I would go for an induction any time after my due date. The first date I could be booked was Nov 11 or 12, my due date was Nov 6, so I was fine with that.

I woke up Nov. 6 with a major headache, nausea, dizziness...all signs of pre-eclampsia, a big risk for me. My internist and Dr. C were both not in their offices, and at this point, I had no family doctor. I was advised to go to the hospital to get checked out. Well, I knew that if I went, I wouldn't be coming home without a baby, LOL. Rob came home from work early, and we went for our last family ride in the pick up :) There were no other signs of pre-eclampsia, but Dr C said he'd induce me in the morning just to be safe. It was, after all, past my due date!

I was pleased to find out he wouldn't use Pitocin, and used Cervadil (a 'tampon' used to soften the cervix). I put up with the required bed rest time, then I was up and about. I had had much worse contractions in the weeks prior. A couple hours later, he asked if I was having any 'twinges'. I laughed! I had wanted to avoid negative language, but to hear this little Indian doc call them 'twinges' and 'rushes' caught me off guard. Before lunch, he asked if I was having any 'tightening'. LOL. Not much was happening, and after lunch he checked me and I was 4cm. I was surprised! I called Rob and told him to come back.


The nurse said it was time for another stint on the monitors, but then went next door to do a delivery. I got bored of waiting, so at 3, we took a stroll down to the breastfeeding clinic. I was having real contractions now, not regular, and not painful (no negative language!). I was chatting in the clinic, and at about 3:15, I felt a pop. I thought my water must have broken, but no.

However, the contractions suddenly took off! It took 15 minutes to make it back down the hall to my room! At about 3:40, a nurse walking down the hall, getting ready to go on shift at 4, heard 'the birthing sounds' and came in to check on me. She asked if I wanted an epidural (obviously she hadn't read my birth plan). I said maybe, if I have to do much more of this (thinking that I was just entering active labour and was still only 4cm--don't forget, this was my second baby!). She went to put away her coat, look at my chart to see if I could get an epidural or something else, and came back to check me to see if I could get the epidural yet. LOL.

I was completely dialated!! Talk about shock!! Dr. C was called, they gave me laughing gas, and at 4, the doc came in. He wanted to wait a few more minutes before I started to push. At 4:15 my water broke, and at 4:18 (don't quote me on that) Lucy Raylene was born! She was 7lb 10 oz, and had Daddy wrapped around her finger instantly. He wouldn't let me hold her!

In retrospect, it was good that I was already in the hospital, because if I had been at home, I probably wouldn't have called Rob until 3:15, maybe 2:30.

Would he have made it home, and then to the hospital? The recovery was so easy compared to the highly medicalized birth of Huey. Besides all the side effects and complications of epidurals that no one tells you (did you know that drugs used in child birth are not approved by the FDA for use with infants/fetus?), there is a recovery period just from the epidural. With a non-medicalized birth, the recovery is instant, as soon as the placenta is out, life goes on! It was incredible. Not painful at all, I think because of my attitude, and my preparedness. After all, I'm the gal the dentist knows to give extra freezing to, automatically, LOL. Anyhow, this is about Lucy, not about epidurals :)

If it weren't for Lucy, we might never have gotten the Sensory Integration Dysfunction diagnosis for Huey. She is funny, sensitive, very clever, and a joy to know.  There's no one else just like her, and that's fine with us!

It's Okay to Sometimes Ignore the Doctor

Hugh and Lucy are home sick, so while they veg upstairs, I'm relegated to the basement. This means I'm forced to watch TV as it happens....which includes commercials (rather than watching what I record on the DVR). So, I'm flipping between Mighty Ships and Bringing Home Baby.

It's a first time mom. Her best friend visits, she has a toddler. You hear her ask the new mom if she can hear the baby swallow, which is answered with a yes, and the friend replies that that means he's getting milk. The next day, the mom goes for the baby's check up, and comes home with instructions to supplement "a little, 20z" because her milk is slow in coming in.

WAIT!! Giving a bottle will mean your body isn't going to be told that it NEEDS to make milk! Your body is going to think "oh, I should slow down a little, there's no demand". Nursing MORE will increase your milk. You might say "oh, but baby is still hungry an hour after I nursed". Then nurse again! You might say "I nursed for 15 minutes and he's still fussy". Then burp, and change breasts and nurse some more! If, after that, baby still seems hungry, then offer supplementation, but by finger feeding or, even better, by a supplemental nursing system so baby is still nursing and the body gets the message it's got to step it up. Leaving baby with grandma and a bottle while you go to do laundry is NOT going to increase your milk supply. Why is it so hard for doctors to understand that? Oh yeah....a pediatrician is not an expert in normal infant feeding needs, or breastfeeding. Duh. That's like going to see the dentist because you have a stomach ache, and gee, the food starts off in your mouth.

See a lactation consultant for lactating troubles. They're the experts.

Robin!

Yes, we saw a robin last week. But that's not what this is about!



When Rob and I moved to Orangeville, Dec. 1997, we figured we'd be there 5 years. Most people in similar jobs where Rob worked left (or were asked to leave) by five years. We thought Orangeville was a nice town, but worried that there wouldn't be the same opportunities for our children as back in our larger home town/city. We were very wrong---it was the small townness that gave our children the opportunities to have the best start in life they could have.



Hugh was born June 3 2000 and it was a hot, sticky summer. I knew early on that there was something "different" about Hugh. He always wanted to be held, and to be moving, and he rarely slept. During that first frustrating summer, I visited the breastfeeding clinic, not so much for breastfeeding help, but thinking maybe I was doing something wrong that made it hard for him to sleep. We stripped him down, weighed him, and I sat in one of the comfy chairs. He didn't want to nurse, but within minutes he was asleep. And stayed asleep for over an hour. The nurses were great, and suggested that it might be the heat bothering him and I could come back anytime I wanted to get relief from the heat and let him nap.



In December 2002, I had six week old Lucy and was running on empty. I called Public Health asking for a home visit by a LC to get help with nursing laying down. An angel named Robin Berger came to my home just before Christmas. Hugh was 2 1/2 at the time and tried desperately to get some attention from Robin, LOL. Near the end of the visit, she said something that changed the course of our lives. She noted that although it wasn't her area of expertise, she felt that Hugh wasn't meeting speech milestones for a 2 1/2 year old. She suggested we call "Wee Talk" and get him assessed. We had been on the fence for a few months, as he comes from a family of late talkers. I think Robin saw my hesitation and lack of energy, because the next week, I got a call from Wee Talk! But that's not the end of Robin's involvement in our life!



Over the next 8 months we went for many assessments. At some point, one of his check ups was done by a young, pregnant, SLP. I wish I knew her name! At the end of the visit, she asked me about some of Hugh's behaviours, and asked me if I knew about Sensory Integration Dysfunction. I nearly kissed her! I told her that I had heard of it, and felt that it was the issue, but got no help from the doctor. She got in touch with the community agency that deals with this sort of thing and before long, a caseworker came to see us. She agreed that he'd benefit by seeing an occupational therapist and we got that started. After several months of visits by the OT, she recommended that we get in touch with Family and Children Services and see if Hugh qualified for "Infant and Child Development" program. Our caseworker for that was the wonderful Nina Little. Within a few months, Nina recommended that I come take a workshop at the Ontario Early Years Center, called "Raising Children with Challenging Temperments". And her co-coach was none other than Robin Berger! But in this small town, life doesn't just go in circles, it's more like figure eights, LOL.

At some point, probably while going for the Wee Talk assessments, I ran into Robin at the public health unit. I mentioned to her that I was disappointed that I hadn't met my "one year" goal of breastfeeding the two kids. She was compassionate and understanding, and expressed to me that ANY amount of breastfeeding should be celebrated, rather than feeling bad about the amount that wasn't spent breastfeeding. And that maybe, if there's a next time, it might be different. I felt validated and supported, even though I thought I would have "let her down" by not reaching "industry" goals. That left a good impression on me, much more than the moms who said I "should have" kept nursing if I had "wanted" to make it to a year.

My third child, Meg, was born in November 2005, and like while I was in labour with Lucy, I visited the breastfeeding clinic. It was great to see familiar faces there. I would see much more of Robin over the next year, as Meg had reflux and slow weight gain. Despite being an experienced nurser, LOL, I always felt welcomed in the clinic, and GREATLY appreciated Robin's home visits with the scale as Lucy was not always the most co-operative big sister while at the clinic, LOL. When I felt like giving up, Robin gently pushed me to keep going, reminding me that while reflux is messy, it's not nearly as bad as formula reflux, and there'd be no guarantee that formula would "fix" her. She might have been small (compared to the other kids), but she was still benefiting.

Robin is a great example of how friendliness, compassion, empathy and real support can work much better than the techniques used by "nipple nazis". I hope she gets celebrated hugely at her retirement tea, as hugely as she celebrated nursing moms (and parents of kids with challenging temperments too!).

Am I Really Different?

Recently I found a website that is a reader-written blog, by new (and some not-so-new) mothers. The aim of the website is to showcase post-natal bodies and support other moms as they come to terms with their new bodies. Sounds great. But there are some common themes new moms write about that really irk me.

Many moms mention celebrities and how they feel they should be able to look like them just as quickly after having a baby. I NEVER thought that. Why would I? I'm not a model or celebrity. Those women are who they are partly because they are genetically unusual, LOL. The benefit of being in the tiny statistical abnormal group of women and then a celebrity, is the abundance of money. Surplus money can easily be used to 'buy' time and people. They can pay for nannies, cooks, drivers, assistants, cleaners, personal trainers. They don't have to focus on primarily being a new mother, if they don't want to. They can afford, both financially and hence time wise, to spend 4 hours a day in a gym.
I can't do that; it never occured to me to think that I should be able to. And hence, that I should look like a celebrity--post natal or otherwise.
Of course, being the person I am, I see the other side too, LOL. Those celebrities do what they do post-natally partly because it is their career...it is a self-perpetuating cycle, if they want it to continue. To be a celebrity, they must maintain their form; being a celebrity allows them the freedom to do so.

The other common theme that drives me bonkers is women who put on 30, 40, 50 or more pounds during pregnancy, and expected to lose it with birth. Seriously, many women expect to come home from the hospital looking like before the positive test. I just don't see how they thought it was possible, even if they put on only 15lbs. Baby averages just under 8lbs, placenta is 3lbs, uterus is 2lbs, increased blood is 2lb, increased fluids is 2lb and suggested fat increase is 5lbs. That's 22lbs. Not all of that can be lost with birth. And if you put on more than the average 11lbs that can be lost with birth, how do you expect to suddenly lose it? Even the ones that think by 6 weeks they should have lost 30lbs make me want to shake my head. Women are horrified that by 6 weeks they still have a soft tummy, stretch marks, and extra weight.

Now, I was a little sad with my post natal body, LOL, but I never expected to look 'perfect' after the birth, or by 6 weeks, or even by 6 months. I don't understand how these women are coming to the conclusion that all evidence of pregnancy should be eliminated by 6 weeks. They usually say 'the media' lead them to believe that would be possible and NORMAL. So it comes back to celebrities again?

Am I unusual that I don't form my ideals, ideas, or values from strangers that the media has decided are the idea of ideal? Why is it I don't look at Angelina and think I should look like that? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't want to emulate these strangers.
Then there are days I am surprised everyone else doesn't want to babywear. And days it surprises me that some knitters don't knit socks. And other days I get a reality check when I hear a 3 year old talk like an adult.

We all have our own realities; why would I try to emulate that of a professional perfectionist?